BALI

Is being

2012-02-02T18:17:00.000-06:00

Fearless dangerous? Please leave a comment below.

Vote

2012-01-26T23:00:00.002-06:00

For Arkinder. He's trying to be in a commercial with Steve Nash. You can vote up to 3 times a day. His video is at the bottom of the page.

Here

Always Remember

2012-01-23T19:58:00.002-06:00

Spreading hate does not defeat it. Fighting fire with fire leads to more destruction. Going tooth and nail leaves scars. Returning evil to evil just ignites anger. Flipping the bird negates its flight. Scowling releases the hate from your heart through your teeth. Shaking with anger creates friction between the molecules of hate contained in the champagne bottle of repulsion. Yelling damages throws gasoline on the fires of loathing. Profanity, when used in a hateful context, plants seeds of hostility into a person's ear. Purposely trying to hurt somebody emotionally or physically impedes the growth of the soul. I am Baliwala. I patented the chill pill. That is all.

Fightcaine & Shaanti House

2012-01-20T16:29:00.001-06:00

Lol

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Wait until the sun goes down

2012-01-15T21:30:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to

2012-01-09T22:27:00.002-06:00

Quit smoking, but it's difficult. Anyway, one night I was outside having a delicious cigarette. Two White men were walking by me. It doesn't matter what their race was, but I felt like informing you of it. They were having a conversation. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but they were speaking very loudly so I had no choice but to listen. One was doing the majority of the talking said: "So like yea, dude, like bro, dude, like I'm the type dude, to like, dude, break up with a girl, dude, when like, things are going really great, dude." Then he giggles. His chum followed with a chuckle of his own. Hmm, I didn't think too much of it. Just thought that it was two guys shootin' the shit so to speak, but there's more. A week later the same scenario occurred. This time the guy said "So, like dude, this girl, dude, like, she totally, like, dude, wanted to bang, dude, but I was like, uggghhhh, dude, I'm like, way too tired, dude." This was followed by laughter. There are one of three conclusions that I have reached that could be true. One: He has horrible commitment issues. Two: He wants to impress his male friend and drive him to the point of jealousy where he makes sexual advances towards him. Three: He's a bullshit liar. Whatever it is, I wish him the best of luck. I am Baliwala. I don't use conversation fillers. I get straight to the point. That is all.

Homeboy makes sense

2011-12-26T21:52:00.000-06:00

I almost never

2011-12-13T17:37:00.000-06:00

Promote other blogs, but this one is amazing.

Here

If

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You claim to lead such a busy life, how to do you find time to let people on Facebook know how hectic things are? If you've had failed relationships of every dynamic, how come you haven't thought that you might be the problem? If you try to sing or dance and people ridicule you, why call them haters instead of taking their criticism? If your boss writes you up at work, why get upset with them? Why not get off your cell phone and stop texting smileys to retarded? If people tell you that your body odor is horrendous, why lie to them and say you take 3 showers a day? If you're a girl and continuously get your heart broken, why not stop throwing your vagina into every guy's face, instead of thinking all men are dogs? If you're a guy and continuously get your heartbroken by women, why not stop being a Olympic sized bitch boy, and start being a man? Guys, instead of cock-blocking every dude you come in contact with, why not work on how to speak females instead? Girls, instead of calling the girl who is friends a lot of males a slut, why don't you work on being more approachable? If people make fun of the way you speak English, why not work on it instead of thinking you do not need to speak the language of the United States to get places? I am Baliwala. I like to ponder.

Some sayings to live by

2011-12-10T12:13:00.002-06:00

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't hug it.

You give a man a fish, or you can teach him how to Dougie.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. He remained there for several minutes to enjoy the weather.

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, what's for dinner?

Opinions are like assholes: they're covered with underwear.

A mind is a terrible thing to taste because it is uncooked.

A penny earned is a violation of labor laws.

The early bird does not get enough sleep.

Don't put all your eggs into one pocket.

The more things change, the longer Obama has been in office.

If you can't stand the heat, drink water.

Keep your friends close, and your child closer.

There is no Z in team.

Take it with a grain of coriander powder.

Money is the root of all economic systems.

You think I'm stupid? I wasn't born a fortnight ago.

Beauty is in the eye of the tiger.

The acorn doesn't fall too far from the ceiling.

Oh no.....

2011-12-08T22:00:00.001-06:00

If I

2011-12-07T19:17:00.000-06:00

Had a penny from above, for every time I fell in love, I'd have three cents.

I'm not an

2011-12-05T13:33:00.002-06:00

Activist of any sort, but this struck a chord with me. Please read and sign this.

Click here

Vote

2011-11-22T17:38:00.001-06:00

Ghetto Paki love

2011-11-16T12:52:00.003-06:00

Haiiiiiiiiiiiii

2011-11-15T22:14:00.001-06:00

Let me

2011-11-15T17:30:00.002-06:00

Tell you about my Saturday night. Unlike most of you who probably caroused around town and visited the local pubs and discos, or engaged in other unholy acts involving bodily fluids, I decided to stay home to watch the Manny Pacquiao vs. Juan Manuel Marquez fight. I am a huge fan of boxing and it's probably my favorite sport to watch. I found a link to watch it online for free. If I were to order to it on Pay Per View it would have been about 50 dollars. As a cobbler, this is beyond my means especially in this economy. At about 7:30 my power went out. Oh great. It usually takes the power company about 2 hours to restore power. Sometimes it takes longer. I started to get into a crabby mood, but to my fortune it came back on in 10 minutes. Oh yea! Lucky for anybody around me because if I don't get to see my boxing, I'm like a kid in Toys R Us who doesn't get what he wants. Fast forward 3 hours, the power goes out again. As soon as it did I yelled out "YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" That was just a front to hide my fear. I totally didn't expect it to go out a second time, so I was shook. I won't lie. The fight was going to come on in less than an half hour. I went outside to see if anybody else lost power. It was only out on my side of the street. The first time it was out as far as I could see, and both times ambulance and firetruck sirens were heard. Something was up. Then my neighbor came out and started speaking, which scared the shit out of me. Then a cop drove up and asked if my power was out. Something was up. I felt like I was starring in a horror movie and it was about a half hour in, right before the first kill occurs. So you know what I did? I went right back inside. That's right. I wasn't going to be brave. No way. I'm very clumsy. I would've tripped on a twig and broke a bone. I called the power company over and over out of boredom. The power finally came back on and I got to enjoy the fight. That was close. I am Baliwala. My electricity runs on a third world country system.

Ufffffff

2011-11-10T14:07:00.001-06:00

Small things that annoy me

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-People who jog with change in their pockets. Stop telling the world you have 32 cents.
-Guys who wear skinny jeans. I'm afraid you're going to start booty clapping out of nowhere.
-Thick framed glasses. You're not Buddy Holiday. Google it.
-Cigarettes that aren't lit all the way. It's the only time you'll see me sucking on something.
-The headphones from Dr. Dre. $400 for a pair? Fuck outta here.
-People who resent their race. The darker the berry, the more white-washed the person is.
-Guys who say bro all the time. We are not related. Stop saying that.
-People who take 2 sips of liquor and claim to be drunk. I just checked my pockets and I'm all out of attention.
-Red lipstick on girls. It's always looked trashy to me for some reason.
-Girls that ask me do their homework. Pay me first.
-Girls with ugly feet. I've been through this before.
-Guys who get their eyebrows done. The only arches you are allowed to mess with are the ones associated with McDonald's.
-People who talk to their pets as if they're human. You're not Dr. Dolittle.
-Wide ruled paper. It's just plain ugly.
-People who hate politicians but know absolutely nothing about politics. Read a book.
-Channing Tatum. Once again, I've been through this before.
-The debit option for bank cards. I have never and probably will never use that option.
-Unfluffed pillows. Nothing more needs to be said.
-People who laugh at their own jokes. Your chuckles do not count.
-People who returns texts 48 hours or later. What's the point?
-White shoes. Get dirty way too fast.
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Contrary

2011-11-01T20:01:00.002-05:00

To what some of you might believe, I'm not an angry person. I am usually upbeat because I've had a very fortunate life. I've never had a cavity. I've never had to wear glasses or contacts. I've never broken a bone. I've never been arrested. I've never broken a girl's heart, well not on purpose at least. I've never had surgery. I've had and still do have amazing friends. My family has beyond supportive in whatever I do. I've never been in debt. I've never gone to sleep on an empty stomach. I've attended good schools with amazing teachers. My cell phone has never died when I really needed to use it. Even though I've been knocked down figuratively and literally, I've always gotten back up. I've never lost something of major value. I'm from the greatest city on Earth; Chicago. I am Baliwala. Anytime you think your life sucks, take a second and do what I just did. You might just find it isn't so bad. That is all.

Vote

2011-11-01T19:59:00.001-05:00

Go go go

2011-10-31T18:13:00.001-05:00

After

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My family who visited me left, I received a phone call. More on that later. I had my cousins over. It was a great time. The oldest one, who is 16 and goes to the same high school I attended, is a genius. This kid walks around with a rubrics cube and solves it like nobody's business. Who the hell does that? Geniuses. That's who. The youngest of the bunch, who is 6, is a master of video games. Now I realize why people have kids. They're amazing, but enough of that. After they left the house phone rang. I picked up and was greeted in Urdu. A woman from an Islamic website wanted me to buy something. Usually I just hang up or say I'm not interested, but not this time. I waited and politely told her in Urdu that I was Hindu. I then told her that I celebrated Diwali just two days before and this call was very offending. I waited for a response. There was none. I repeatedly said hello, but nothing was said in return. This is when I realized that she hung up on me. Hopefully nobody from that company will call again. If they do, I'll magically become Christian. I am Baliwala. My religion is comedy. That is all.

If you

2011-10-30T00:38:00.002-05:00

Set on the path of revenge, dig two graves. One for your enemy and one for yourself.

Well this was surprising

2011-10-27T16:22:00.000-05:00

I'm shocked, seriously.

This person is a bitch

2011-10-26T19:58:00.000-05:00

http://facebook.com/profile.php?=73322363.

I wanted to

2011-10-24T16:19:00.002-05:00

Take advantage of Subway's $5 footlong special. Of course the person working there was Desi. I wasn't shocked at all. In the middle of making my sandwich she started asking me if hot peppers on sandwiches were good because she had never tried it. Are you serious? You work at fucking Subway. She then tried to acquire about what part of the Motherland I was from. When I told her exactly, she responded with: "OMG!LAHORE!" She then asked me to speak in Punjabi. I wanted to get my sandwich and get the hell out of there, but I took my time. She told me to say "today is a good day" in Punjabi. When I did she replied with "OMG! PUNJABI SUCH SVEET LANGAWAGE!" She then told me that she was from Hyderabad. I was then informed that she was not aware of their particular lingo because she didn't like the sound of it. Oh yea, she was cock-eyed. Very cock-eyed. It would have distracted me but the conversation captivated my attention. I then walked away and said bye without looking back. I'm never going back there. I am Baliwala. Anytime I purchase food my ethnicity comes into question. That is all.

This past weekend

2011-10-24T15:44:00.003-05:00

I attended the Imran Khan show. Here's a rundown.

When I got to the venue

All I saw was a sea of dudes with faux hawks and skinny jeans. I felt out of place because I was dressed down. Half the girls were dressed modestly to my surprise, and the other half were dressed like they were going to an upscale club. I ran into some friends I hadn't seen in a while. That's always a good thing.

Opening Act

The MC's consisted of a guy and girl. The guy was a loud-mouthed bastard. No surprise there. The girl had a British accent. She had the bottom of her hair in semi-curls and was wearing a gray dress, but keep in mind I was sitting in the balcony. The first performers were a bunch of college kids from Chicago. They did three songs. Mitwa, Aadat by Jal (every Pakistani band does this song) and I think one of their original songs. 7.5/10. They were much better than I expected. The next act was some chutiya named Sean Stackz. He must have been about 38 but was rocking a faux hawk, but he had a receding hairline. He was dressed like he was going to rob a bank/attending Elton John's funeral. My God this guy was horrible. He didn't even really sing, he just sang along to the songs that the DJ was playing. He then invited people on stage to dance. A couple of them starting to breakdance while the others did their best impression of Bhangra. They all looked like fools. I'll give that portion a 6/10 only because the clowns on stage made me laugh.

Then a friend of the people I was with informed us that we could go to the main floor because she talked to one of the promoters about it. I ended up about 3 feet from the stage. Good shit.

H Dhami
Very good performer. I didn't know much about him before the concert. The only song I knew of his was Har Gabroo(Youtube it). He came out with lots of enthusiasm and was very interactive with the crowd. He even did a stage dive. Good shit. He gave a lucky girl to come on stage. She looked awkward as hell up there. She was the envy of every girl there, yet she looked like she about to shit her pants. Funny stuff. This guy sang Sadi Rail Gaadi Aiyee(Youtube it) and danced like a train. Gangsta. 8/10.

Culture Shock

By far the best performers of the night. Had the most energy and everybody knew their songs. They gave out posters and continuously touched hands with the audience. This is about the time I noticed the female MC. Ugly. Messed up grill and huge nose. Her hair was still nice. That has to count for something. I sang along to every song they sung. Don't judge. They make hot shit. Baba Khan who really doesn't sing, interacted with the crowd the most. Major cool points for that. Will definitely try to see them perform again. 9/10.

Intermission

I was dying of thirst so I bought a bottle of water. Wasn't a very uneventful break.

Imran Khan
The main attraction. He came out and immediately sang Amplifier. I know pretty much all of this songs, so when he came by my side of the stage while singing Hey Girl, I made sure to yell out the lyrics extra loud. He noticed me. We had a connection. No homo. I noticed that he wouldn't take off his sunglasses. I also noticed that he slurred some of his fobby words when trying to speak. Most probably was drunk. He didn't have much energy. He just did his thing. It was still pretty good. A girl threw her high heel on stage and another threw her dupatta. Bitches be crazy. 8/10.

Throughout the evening there was a myriad of drunk Desi guy and girls roaming around. Some weren't a problem, but others like this fat motherfucker who kept on barreling into me, were pretty annoying. A few fights tried to get underway but security did an excellent job of stopping them before they got out of hand. I ran into a few more people I hadn't seen in a while. The venue it was at had been renovated. All in all a very good time. I am Baliwala. I had to take sit down several times because jumping up and down in place is tiring. That is all.

I must be evil

2011-10-22T23:45:00.001-05:00

Because this made me laugh

The girl you just called fat... She's overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly... She spends hours putting on makeup hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped... He's abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars... He fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying... His mother is dying. Put this as your status if your against bullying. I bet 95% of you wont re-post this, but I'm sure the people with a heart and backbone will

............

2011-10-18T20:59:00.001-05:00

If you

2011-10-18T20:39:00.000-05:00

Would like to me to recite anything, leave it in a comment below.

I recite poetry

2011-10-18T20:36:00.001-05:00

Listen

Most retarded thing I have ever read

2011-10-17T22:44:00.001-05:00

Girl : Am I pretty?
Boy : NO.
Girl : Do you want to be with me forever?
Boy : NO.
...Girl : Would you cry if I walked away?
... .......................................Boy : NO.
She heard enough, and was hurt. She walked away, tears ran down her face. The boy grabbed her arm.
Boy : Your not pretty, your beautiful. I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would DIE.
(Boy whispers) : Please? Stay with me.
(Girl whispers) : I will.
Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they love you. . Get ready for the biggest shock of your life! ;)

Sooner than

2011-10-17T22:07:00.003-05:00

Later I need to start being nice. Not to say I'm not already a nice person, but I need to be nicer in order to get a girlfriend. Apparently I have to smile and be genuinely interested in what females say and shit like that. I've been practicing. I've had some success but I really need to work on this. I have to settle down eventually so might as well get cracking. One thing I definitely need to work on is my fucking profanity. See what I did there? Wish me luck. I am Baliwala. I'm no good cuz I'm so hood. Well verbally sometimes. That is all.

Vote

2011-10-17T22:02:00.001-05:00

Here

He's back at it

2011-10-16T20:35:00.001-05:00

Singh vs. Shah

2011-10-14T18:54:00.002-05:00

This one

2011-10-13T18:33:00.002-05:00

Goes out to all the people who are fake on the internet, mainly girls. I'm not talking about personality, which is an issue I will probably talk about in an entirely different post, I'm talking about using other people's pics, or even pics of celebrities on social media sites. I've noticed this phenomenon recently on Facebook. If you have a Desi first or surname, and your picture is of a busty White girl, you won't fool me. You will fool idiotic Fobs though, and I'm guessing that's what you want to do. From there you'll complain on your statuses and text your friends about how you get harassed online. If you use a pic of let's say Angelina Jolie, you're still retarded. Don't give me the whole this person inspires me bullshit. The only thing that makes you want to be like her, is the fact you want men all around the world jerking off to you like they do to her. Oh, don't think I forgot the dudes that do the same shit. You faggots with your pics of John Abraham or photoshopping a six pac to your torso. Fuck you degenerates. Once again, the only people you're going to fool are underage girls from Chandigarh. Google that if you don't know that is. Expand your knowledge. You will then brag to your greasy-haired friends about how much poon you get, and how all the girls would kill themselves if they aren't able to marry you. Kick rocks while wearing sandals. Moral of the story: be yourself. If you do you'll find out that more people will actually like you than not, offline and on. Hard to believe I know. Obviously there will be some who will not like you, or even despise you. That's just how shit goes. There are 6 billion of us on Earth. Unfortunately, we all can't get along. I am Baliwala. I have not taken a pic of myself in 9 years. That is all.

I don't understand

2011-10-13T17:40:00.002-05:00

Some people. This is the thought I had immediately after I overheard somebody's conversation. Well, I wouldn't call it overhearing since this person was yelling as if a god damn fire was nearby. Don't get me wrong. I don't like to stereotype, but it was obvious the gentleman who spoke was a homosexual, or so I thought. What he said after I saw him confirmed my original thinking. This is what he said: "OMG! SO APPARENTLY I MADE OUT WITH 4 GIRLS WHEN I WAS DRUNK! I THINK I TURN STRAIGHT WHEN I DRINK!" Really motherfucker? Your sexual orientation changes when intoxicated? He then went on to yell about how he grabbed a girl's vagina as well. Then I thought this gay is probably a trendy gay. What is a trendy gay? A homosexual who acts gay just because they think it's cool and want to attract female friends. That's what it is. I guess they think they can't get charged with rape because their defense of being gay would be iron clad. I'm currently in negotiations with Wikipedia to have a page made about this that can't be edited. People need to be informed. But seriously, would you make sexual advances towards the sex you aren't attracted to when drunk? I don't think so. Maybe he's bisexual. I don't know and I really don't care. I just hope the day never comes where he tries to touch me; sober or not. I am Baliwala. I have never pretended to be gay so I can go shoe shopping with females. That is all.

I

2011-10-13T17:31:00.000-05:00

Finally have unlimited text messaging. This does not mean you are free to send me nonsensical bullshit. Thanks.

Breaking you down like an equation

2011-10-12T21:45:00.001-05:00

Just

2011-10-12T18:57:00.002-05:00

Found out I've been on the honor roll for the last two semesters. I didn't get anything in mail, but rather found out by accident while bored and looking at some school stuff online.

Good cover

2011-10-11T20:05:00.000-05:00

Finished up answering questions

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Here

So check it

2011-10-08T12:09:00.003-05:00

I woke up pretty early today and couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't have anything to do, so I decided to get a haircut. I could have waited a couple of more weeks, but I wanted to get it out of the way. It was pretty hot when I got outside. Kind of a mind fuck considering it's almost the middle of October. Afterward I went over to a local restaurant to pick up a burger. The restaurant mainly has Mexican cuisine, but their burgers are awesome. After munching down I took a shower. When I went outside to have a cigarette after cleansing my body, I saw this odd lady that lives in my neighborhood. She has a decent sized rottweiler and keeps to herself. All of a sudden she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. The dog laid down a few seconds later. She then began having a conversation with her dog. Kind of weird, but I've seen many dog owners do this. Then she looks at her dog and says: "EWWW! DON'T YOU JUST HATE CIGARETTE SMOKE?! ISN'T IT DISGUSTING?!" You know what's disgusting bitch? The fact that you're trying to have a full on conversation with a K9. That's what you cunt. I was pretty surprised. Did she think I couldn't hear her? She was across the street, but not very far. You know what else is sick? The fact that you probably engage in sexual relations with your kuta. Yeah I said it. You seem so disconnected with reality that you've made your own that consists of doggie treats and doggystyle, you curly-haired, wrinkly, walking vagina. Speaking of vagina, yours probably smells like rancid, flea infested dog hair. I understand that when you try to engage in discussions with humans it ends horribly because the left side of your brain is probably filled with Iams (Google that), but that does not change the fact that we humans exist and can hear your dog penis ravaged voice. I bet your half-retarded dog probably thinks the same. If they had a voice they'd let your retired librarian looking ass know how they felt. I am Baliwala. I don't speak dog. That is all.

Question answered

2011-10-06T18:01:00.001-05:00

Here

There's only two things when it comes to a battle: God and my shadow

2011-10-06T13:26:00.001-05:00

Ask me more questions

2011-10-05T21:24:00.001-05:00

And I'll answer them once again in a voice clip.

Vote

2011-10-04T21:26:00.002-05:00

Give me

2011-10-04T21:23:00.003-05:00

Money so I can buy a PS3 and NBA 2K12. There is a donate button if you scroll down and look to the right, underneath my picture. Thanks.

We all

2011-10-04T18:40:00.002-05:00

Have done silly things to attract the opposite sex. Hi, my name is Baliwala. You know me from such blog posts as "Big bitches with little voices" and "The guy who urinated in public." When I was 12 years old, I was way too shy to approach girls. Others around me were not though. That summer I was at a Pakistani Independence celebration. I spent most of my time walking around with a bunch of friends. Trying to look cool for all the little girls. There wasn't much else to do in a big park. I noticed that there were two White girls using the bike trail. Probably enjoying the weather. I wasn't the only one who noticed that. After a few rounds around the park, I kept seeing the girls, but they were off in the distance. About a half hour later I saw they were coming right towards my friends and I. They were slowing down to avoid an accident. As soon as they were near, one of my friends, who was wearing a hat backwards( what a G), pushed another friend into one of the girls. She fell but luckily for her onto grass. My friend then rushed up to her and said: "Are you ok?" She said she was fine. He then said " So can I get your number?" I was shocked. She kindly smiled and said no. My friend was quite surprised that she didn't give up the digits. Maybe if she had a scrape on her knee she might have been vulnerable and given him what he wanted. We'll never know. I am Baliwala. I hold girls at gunpoint when I want their number. That is all.

Interesting last name

2011-10-04T18:08:00.001-05:00

A friend wanted me to post this

2011-10-03T18:21:00.000-05:00

Teri

2011-09-29T22:33:00.002-05:00

Meri,meri teri, prem kahani is not mushkil at all. If anything, you've made it difficult. You're more hot and cold than summer changing into winter. You always ask me where I've gone. I haven't gone anywhere. I've always been here. You might have wandered off, but I have not. You always say that I forgot about you. Not true. I've said many times that I have an excellent memory. You ask if I have a girlfriend. When I tell you I don't, you're surprised. You shouldn't be. You ask me to send you new music. I inform you that my musical tastes, much like myself, rarely change. I wish you would understand that. I am Baliwala. This is one of the very few times I'll use Bollywood to express anything in my life. That is all.

Really?

2011-09-29T20:51:00.002-05:00

That's like saying you hate Hitler or despise rape. What's next? You're going to tell everybody to wear a coat when it's cold outside? Tell us to drink something cold if we're thirsty?

It's your life

2011-09-29T20:26:00.001-05:00

Can you spot the caterpillars?

2011-09-28T18:12:00.000-05:00

Tell us how you really feel

2011-09-27T21:46:00.001-05:00

I usually

2011-09-27T20:12:00.002-05:00

Don't get involved with extra-circular activities, but today I did something a bit different. All the clubs from my institution of higher learning were signing people up. The first club, and the one with the most commotion around it, was the Gay club. No problem. I'll just scoot myself past the table. As soon as I do this, a gargantuan man starts booty-shaking. Problem. I looked around and saw that nothing really interested me. Then I came across a bunch of people around monitors playing video games. One of my old co-workers was sitting behind the table of the video game club so I decided to say hello. I then proceeded to watch others play some fighting game. I think it was Street Fighter. As the crowd grew, so did the body odor. My goodness that shit was foul. Then I looked at the faces of the people who emitted this stankyness. I'm sorry to say they looked like the typical video gamers. Clothing that 6th graders wear that was probably purchased at Wal-Mart. Hair looking like they just woke up then rubbed their scalp against a concrete wall. Patches of facial hair with no uniformity. Weird vernacular that they heard probably watching Pokemon. I then had a decision to make. Should I involve myself with these people? Should I take the plunge and go into the darkest depths of society., I said yes. I'm no punk. I'm not scared. I asked my former co-worker to sign me up. He handed me a piece of paper that wanted some info. Where it asked when I was available, I said anytime. Not true but whatever. He then told me when the meetings were and what the club entailed. It was actually pretty interesting, but guess what? I'll give you some more time to guess. Time's up. I'm not showing up to that shit. I even put a real phone number and email. Do you think I'm going to respond to them trying to get in contact with me? I'll give you some time to mull that over. Time's up. Hell no. I don't have time to be plugging my nose to stop myself from vomiting because the idea of soap to some people is foreign. The reason I signed up was because I wanted those weirdos to feel like they weren't outcasts from society. To feel that somebody as cool as me, who wears blue jeans and Nike's would like to associate with them. I think it worked. Oh yea. There was a floppy-haired Asian kid. Just wanted to share that. I am Baliwala. When I shoot to kill, you don't come back to life. My high score can't be calculated. That is all.

Seriously

2011-09-27T20:10:00.002-05:00

Why do so many big girls have small voices? Is it an attempt at being cute or feminine? It's something I will never understand. Just wanted to share.

So

2011-09-27T20:01:00.002-05:00

Check it. I was outside enjoying guess what? If you guessed a tobacco cigarette, then you are correct. I usually look off to the side while I slowly kill myself just in case I catch a neighbor in my line of vision so I can say hello. For some reason I did something different this time. I looked all the way up. There is a condominium complex across the street. My eyes immediately went to the top floor. There weren't any objects obstructing my view. I saw a man who had no blinds or curtains in his window, who looked like he was running in place. Hmmm. I thought he might have been playing the Wii. I stopped looking. I thought if somebody was watching me I'd feel uncomfortable, so I looked down and to my left. But I couldn't resist. I looked back up but he was gone. As soon as I decided to look back down, he returned, but this time with a cat. He had the feline over his left shoulder and he slow danced. Immediate laughter ensued. What the fuck was he doing? Was this foreplay for the unthinkable? The funny thing is I've never seen this guy around my neighborhood. Maybe he broke into somebody's place for his sick ritual. I'm not sure. I am Baliwala. I don't dance, I just pull up Mr.Wiggles and do throw the Cat Nip away. That is all.

It's true

2011-09-27T19:04:00.001-05:00

Vote

2011-09-27T13:14:00.000-05:00

How you doin'?

2011-09-26T21:31:00.002-05:00

The pic

2011-09-26T19:21:00.000-05:00

And the person who like it are one in the same.

Catchy

2011-09-23T01:50:00.001-05:00

Another fan sign

2011-09-23T00:36:00.003-05:00

Answered your questions

2011-09-22T18:49:00.001-05:00

http://vocaroo.com/?media=v3YNged6kLSP3Rb7G

Copy and paste into address bar.

Females

2011-09-22T17:32:00.004-05:00

When we have our first conversation, please do not make it feel like an interview for admission into the CIA. I understand you want to know about my goals and aspirations, and you possibly want to share yours as well, but sometimes it goes too far. When figures of income and car choice come into play, I feel like you have a pen and clipboard in front of you. I guess you do this because in your simple minds you see us getting married based off seeing a few pictures, or even glancing at me from across a dimly lit room. Don't think. Just go with the flow. Stay away from questions that have to do with my religious beliefs. We all know that is personal, so it's not a good thing to throw into the first conversation you have with me or anybody else. Do not be so rigid. Also, do not ask me the same question multiple times. Either you have a horrible memory or are trying to catch me in a lie. I do not respect your stupidity or you trying to insult my intelligence. We don't know each other so let's keep it casual. I am Baliwala. My height and weight are, ah fuck it. That is all.

Below is an extreme example, but ladies, it gives you a gist of what NOT to say to a guy or anybody else during your first conversation. I don't know what type of dimwits you deal with, but if you try and act like you're better than and iPhone10, I will put you in your place, babygirl.

First fan sign submitted

2011-09-21T17:39:00.000-05:00

I think

2011-09-21T17:29:00.002-05:00

One of my classmates is homeless. He's an older man who doesn't speak much, so when he did, I was surprised to hear a strong British accent. I personally think it's put on, but I could be dead wrong. This guy comes to class drenched in sweat. No matter what the temperature is he looks like he got caught in a thunderstorm. He also comes to class with multiple bags. A book bag and a at least two gym bags. This isn't too surprising. I'm sure you've all seen people around campus with more then just a book bag, but today I investigated the situation a bit more. When I entered the classroom today, this gentleman got up and to get something out of one his gym bags. He pulled out a coffee mug. It was the type that is used at home. Not a big deal I guess. Then he pulled out a huge steel coffee container which he poured into his cup. Hmm, maybe he just likes homemade coffee a lot. I then peered more and saw that a few zippers of the gym bag were open. I saw a jar of coffee grounds, a bottle of Windex, a squeegee, a box of soap ( I didn't know if it was empty or not). I was pretty surprised. I'm still not sure if he's homeless. Maybe he just likes bringing the comforts of home with him no matter where he goes. I might buy him a Twix from the vending machine. He might be hungry. I am Baliwala. I have a roof over my head as I write this. That is all.

Answered

2011-09-20T19:47:00.000-05:00

Questions from the blog but forgot to record it. I'm too exhausted to do it again today, but I will probably do it in the next week.

Please

2011-09-20T19:45:00.000-05:00

Do not waste my text messages with your incessant bullshit. I only have 400 per month, so unless it's important. Leave me alone. Thanks.

Lol what?

2011-09-19T22:18:00.003-05:00

Fan sign contest

2011-09-18T21:07:00.002-05:00

Make a Bali fan sign and have it featured on my blog. What is a fan sign? Get a blank piece of paper and write something that has to do with the blog or me on it. Simple as that. Submissions should be sent to balibali00@hotmail.com Have fun and good luck.

Yea

2011-09-18T20:32:00.001-05:00

One guy's opinion on the fight

2011-09-18T19:32:00.001-05:00

You think you know but you don't

2011-09-12T21:45:00.000-05:00

In the comments below

2011-09-12T21:44:00.000-05:00

Tell me where you're from. Don't have to be specific if you don't want to. Just interested in knowing where the bulk of my readers come from.

If I

2011-09-12T21:32:00.002-05:00

Sat down with the Devil I would tell him that he has influenced me, but not as much as he thinks or wishes. I'd tell him that he has taken me to the edge but I pulled myself back when I saw over it. I'd tell him that I know he'll pop in and out of my life, but with each time, I mind less and less. It'll come to the point where I'd laugh at his presence. Kind of like seeing somebody with a clown wig on. Nothing too serious. I'd tell him that I've seen the damage he has done to the world and even people around me, but that does not increase my hate for him. For hate holds back anything and everything I try to do. I'd tell him that he's not as strong as he thinks. Kind of like a guy who only works out his biceps. I'd tell him that if we got into a fight, he might hit me a few times, but in the end I'd beat the dog shit out of him. I'm Tyson. He's an infant. I'd tell him that you are below me. Literally and figuratively. I'd tell him that in the past my anger could have rivaled his, but I have pulled back now because I know better. I'd tell him if he wanted my soul in exchange for anything I could dream of, I'd respond by giving him the lint out of my pocket in exchange for him to shut the fuck up. I'd tell him I am a fallen angel as well, but I'm steadily standing back up while he lays in the ruins. I'd tell him that the people who worship you are weirdos and social rejects. It really isn't cool to follow you. I'd tell him to stick around, because what he's about to see will blow his mind. I'd tell him that he's like henna; temporary. I'd tell him to crack a smile once in a while. It doesn't hurt, trust me. I'd tell him he looks like he fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I'd tell him his temptations and desires and like a chubby girl, they look good from a distance, but worse as you get closer. I am Baliwala. I danced with the Devil and he ended up breaking his ankles. That is all.

All of you

2011-09-12T21:20:00.004-05:00

Guys who complain about being put in the friend zone by females, please shut the fuck up. This is purely you're doing. If you show yourself to be a friend instead of a romantic interest, that's exactly how a girl will receive you. Don't get me wrong. Girls do want a guy who can show them a sensitive side and listens, but they do not want a bitch boy as a boyfriend. It's as simple as that. Man up. Show these females that you have testicles. Please do not tell them you have watched The Notebook multiple times even if you actually have. Not a good idea. I am Baliwala. Once a girl says that she considers me as a brother, I throw her the peace sign. That is all.

Talent

2011-09-12T21:20:00.001-05:00

Help fight Somalian hunger

2011-09-10T12:35:00.001-05:00

Info is in the description of the video. Click on the Youtube symbol once the video starts playing.

I pity

2011-09-06T18:08:00.003-05:00

The fool that falls in love with you. Besides a pretty face, you nothing to offer. Literally nothing. Your idea of great cinema is a Bollywood movie that costs less than a pair of Nike's to make. Your favorite song was sung in the 70's by a woman with an annoyingly high-pitched voice about how your love can be found in nature. If news isn't breaking and on every channel, you are ignorant of the world's events. You think your religion is the best even though you don't have a clue about others, and even your own. You believe your virginity gives you Sainthood. You seek salvation by putting religious quotes in your Facebook status. You believe that since you're going to a community college and work part-time you're the busiest girl in the world. You believe taking pics in front of a mirror brings out your inner-beauty. You rebel by staying up past midnight on the weekend. The "craziest" thing you've done is smoke hookah at a shady restaurant. With all this being said, you'll still find plenty of guys who are crazy about you, and the other way around. You might even live happily ever after, and I hope you do, but you will always be ignorant. The funny thing about ignorance is that it never lasts forever. You'll tremble as the deceiving cloud of your fantasy lifts. As it does, you'll look for me, but I won't be there. By then the dust of my footsteps will be gone as well. I am Baliwala. There a thousand of you but only one of me. That is all.

Safety first guys

2011-09-06T17:52:00.001-05:00

Throwback...When I used to have spiked hair

2011-09-05T11:40:00.000-05:00

Shit yaar

2011-09-04T21:13:00.001-05:00

Ask me a question

2011-09-04T21:12:00.001-05:00

In the comments below and I will answer them in a voice clip. Haven't done this in a while.

Be humble

2011-09-04T20:34:00.003-05:00

If you own a sports car remember that at any second if you decide to be a hero and hit the pedal to the medal, you could lose your life. If you are good looking realize that you're one knife fight or drug addiction away from being fugly. If you are rich or wealthy, realize that you are one night at the casino, one bad business investment, or one gold-digging girlfriend away from being broke. If you believe you are wise remember that one day your wisdom might run out. Wisdom is a well. Go to it too often and it will run dry. If you are religious, remember that humans are not perfect and the lifelong pursuit of it might leave you bitter and angry at God. If you are physically fit, remember that you are one binge-eating month away from being a heart disease patient. If you pride yourself on being sexually active, realize that you're one STD away from people being disgusted by you. I am Baliwala. I'm very happy with being average. You should be too. That is all.

Truer words have never been spoken

2011-09-02T20:54:00.002-05:00

A long time ago

2011-08-30T20:20:00.002-05:00

When I was a broke lad, my friends and I had to eat at cheap restaurants. One Friday night we decided to go to Old Country Buffet, or OCB as the cool kids once called it. It was a buffet for less than $10. It wasn't the greatest food in the world but it got the job done. The first thing I did when we arrived was got a big plate of mac and cheese. I usually hate it but theirs was quite good. When we sat down I immediately dug in. About halfway through the dish I noticed a group of girls sitting behind us. I didn't pay them any attention. All of a sudden I heard the oddest thing I have ever heard. To this day I do not understand it. What I heard can never be explained. It has emotionally scarred me for life. When my eating utensil was on its way to my mouth I heard "THEN HE SAID HE WANTED TO STICK A BANANA IN MY TWAT!" being shouted. I was shocked. I looked at my friends and they were as just dumbfounded. My utensil( I call it a utensil because I'm not sure if it was a fork or spoon) stayed suspended while my mouth was open for quite a while. Then I said fuck it, let's leave. There was no way of recovering from such a comment. I hope others have not tried to stick foreign objects in that girls no-no area. I am Baliwala. Time does not heal all wounds. That is all.

My boy FightCaine

2011-08-26T21:45:00.000-05:00

Today

2011-08-25T18:55:00.002-05:00

I saw a friend I haven't seen in a few years. While catching up he informed me that all he cares about is money and the city that he's from. I responded by telling him there was more to life to that, like family and friends. I didn't want to get too deep. I wanted to keep it simple so he wouldn't be overwhelmed. He rolled his eyes and then told me that he was going to sip it until he felt it, and smoke it until it was done. I immediately got upset and told him that substance abuse is a dangerous road which destroys not only a the person's life who's using, but that of those around them. His response was "Well I'm still young." I said HA! But young sir, you are getting older at the same time. He pondered that for a while. Hopefully I'll get through to him. I am Baliwala. My friend and I were on one.....train together. That is all.

Certain things should be kept to yourself

2011-08-13T16:47:00.000-05:00

Great song

2011-08-07T17:16:00.001-05:00

Best Facebook status ever

2011-08-04T22:28:00.001-05:00

Let me

2011-08-03T11:11:00.003-05:00

Tell you about the dream I had last night. I must warn you though, it makes absolutely no sense. I was on a double date. I don't remember who the other people were, but I remember wearing a white cashmere sweater and rocking two stud earrings. I ordered pasta with ground beef. When it came, the sauce was watery and the pasta was uncooked. I went to complain to the owner. The owner was an Arab who looked like Super Mario. He said that's how the dish was made. I said I wasn't going to pay for it. He said he was going to call the police. I dared him to. Then out of nowhere a White guy came out of the back. The owner said I was going to have to "deal" with him. Then this guy started doing karate moves. I was like pshhh you don't scare me. I went to attack him but he beat my ass. It felt so real. My face was hurting. I went to regroup by going outside to have a cigarette. I then made a phone call. I don't recall to who. Then all of a sudden a band of like 20 dudes came to the restaurant. They were doing all sorts of flips and kicks. I looked at the owner and smirked. We then started to lay the smack down on the Chuck Norris wannabe. The owner disappeared. I went to look for him but he was nowhere to be found. When we left I was upset because I hadn't gotten to eat. Oh well. I am Baliwala. I wake up from dreams hungry. That is all.

Listen up

2011-07-30T12:28:00.002-05:00

http://www.sendspace.com/file/0jdtpg

Since

2011-07-30T12:23:00.001-05:00

Ramadan is coming up I need some non-Muslims girls to speak to this month. Please contact me if you're interested. Thanks.